Script for the How To Brain Surgery...

Short Film
“The Internet Shows You How – Brain Surgery”

Fade In

Graphic…title sequence…

A series of technical images taken from the internet… from computers to cars to teeth… drugs… etc…

Intro graphic: “The Internet Shows You How”

Cut to our announcer in a domestic home environment… the whole feel is very DIY film making….

Host
Hello and welcome to another edition of The internet shows you how… and today we’re going to look at brain surgery… yes you heard me correctly… … forget all that studying for years and years…and exam after exam… with the internet you’ve got all the information you need to sort out Aunty Gwen’s dementia and think how much money you’ll be saving the NHS… no more waiting lists… just tap into Google and away we go….

Cut to a boy (10 years old) sitting at the computer…

Host
Hey Jimmy fancy helping me perform brain surgery…

The boy looks up…

Jimmy
Sure!

Host
Ok then let’s do it…so 1st things 1st lets look it up on the net…

The boy types in brain surgery… and we see the search results…

Host
Now this may take a bit of time to really find what works for you and you’ve got to make sure you hit the right link…. I mean we don’t want to be using a dog’s brain for example do we… that could leave Aunty Gwen feeling well ruff …(drum roll)... Ha ha…

Jimmy looks at our character sternly…

Host
Ahem… anyway onwards and forwards… how’re you doing Jimmy…

The kid opens a web sight with the layout of a human brain….

Host
Looks like you’ve found it …WELL DONE…you see any idiot can find this stuff out….no offence Jimmy… Now one of the most important things in this scenario is tools… look at what needed and if you haven’t got everything you see in the picture… find something in your home that does a similar job…

Layout of various tools and instruments….
(Rubber gloves, electric drill, knives and forks, grinder, blow torch….etc…)

Host
Looks like we’re ready to begin Jimmy… shall we do it…

Our host turns to Jimmy

Host
Let’s get your Aunt….

We see the aunt being dragged reluctantly into shot….

Host
Make sure you carefully follow the instructions…

(We cut to see Aunty Gwen… tied up to a chair… our host now holds up a the grinder and starting it up proceeds to use it on Gwen…. Cut away to reveal liitle Jimmy being splashed with blood…)

Host
Now this can get a bit messy so make sure you’ve got some spare towels.. as well as some strong detergent for cleaning afterwards…Once you’ve opened it all up… try to identify where everything is…. Can you recognize what’s what Jimmy?

We now see the inside of what looks like the cranial cavity

Jimmy
That’s the brain.

Host
Correct that is the brain… so why don’t you take it out Jimmy…

(Jimmy removes the brain)

Host
…. So what happens now Jimmy….

Jimmy… shrugs…

Host
Let’s look at the instructions…

We see the instructions…

Host
Why don’t we try cutting a few bits off and fiddling around with that bit and then hopefully that should do the trick… go on Jimmy you do it….

Jimmy picks up the knife and fork and starts digging into the brain…

Wipe through to Jimmy and our host covered in blood…..

Host
Now all we have to do is put it back and that should be it….

Cut away…

We hear the noises of the brain being put back….

Host…
As you can see brain surgery really isn’t that difficult. If you can just follow a few simple instructions and navigate your way around the net then you too can call yourself a brain surgeon… it’ll impress your friends and might even get you some work… .

Cut to

Aunty Gwen dribbling… slowly she keals over…

Cut to Host…

Host
That’s all from us at “The Internet Shows You How” so until next time…. Good bye… say goodbye Jimmy…

Our characters waver as we roll end credits